I crawled back into bed and ruffled around enough to wake Christina up. She rolled over, sleepily assessing the situation, "Are you awake awake or going back to sleep?" I wanted more sleep, I wanted to be calm, but it wasn't going to happen. "I'm sorry, I know it's early, but I am awake awake." And with that she was out of bed and into her bag and over to the stereo with a cd that started blasting "Going to the Chapel."
I can't think of our wedding without thinking about the days before the wedding. Sometimes I look at the photos and feel a pang of guilt that we are there smiling and laughing, enjoying ourselves. I want to slip into that photo and hug my August 21st self, tell her that the next few months will be hard, so it is alright to be happy now. I wonder if years from now I will be able to separate the two. We lost one of the most important people in our world. We had a wedding. But, for now, it still feels like one sentence: we lost Mike's mom and were married a few days later.
Today, I will try and separate them. Today I will celebrate one year of marriage with my Mike, I will be thankful he found me, that we have each other. Today I will love this day.
|some alone time minutes after the ceremony|