on some maybe's

Last night I found myself on the Department of Defense's website.  An unlikely place for me to be, but I was there with Mike as we looked into teaching positions overseas.  Maybe just for a year or two.  Maybe just for a break.  A chance at a teaching job for Mike since there are none to be had here.  Someplace new, different, away from all the things that keep us at a stand still here.  And it was a good daydream, a good talk.  We imagined a baby there.  A new language.  A community abroad.  I said out loud my fears of being away from my family, don't I need them so much?  But then there is skype, and email, and visits, and how many times do we really see everyone in one year anyway.

It's just a daydream for now, made a little more real by the application submission and the country check list:  Ireland, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Belgium, Germany, Iceland, Netherlands, check.  It's just a daydream, but last night our words felt a little more real.  About what we want our life to look like, to feel like, if we really want what we thought we wanted.  The house with the yard in the nice neighborhood with good schools and a place to swim so our kids could grow up knowing the water.  Yes, the water part is always important on my list.  But the checks have changed, maybe it's just a family somewhere we feel at home, doing jobs that make us feel good, and just like that the suburban cul-de-sac that had occupied my vision of the future turned into a thousand what could be's and maybe's instead.

from here