It's 2012 but I haven't seen much of it. Just the inside of my apartment which looks just like the 2011 version of my apartment. And it's all been a bit horizontally viewed from my position on the couch. But being this sick during the last days of 2011 and first days of 2012 only means that things will get better from here. And it's an even year too, things will be better in an even year.
Have I mentioned that I don't like odd numbers? Yes, I think in passing once before. But I'll say it again. I don't like them. Even feels right, solid, sound. I have a friend who feels as uneasy about evens as I do about odds. After she told me that I looked at her differently. I just don't think I can be friends with someone who thinks odds are good. I understand that in writing this I am exposing another fault line in the structure that is my sanity but, hey, I like the honesty. And maybe I can blame the sickness and the excessive couch time for any oddity in the first posts of the new year.
But, more than the issue with the odd numbered year, I am just ready for 2011 to be behind us. We spent it mourning and trying to move forward and putting things on hold and then deciding not to put things on hold only to put them away again. There was a lot of goodness in there too, but the veil of sadness hung over most of it. It is still with us, but so much less now, lighter. I can see through it to what's ahead and what I see looks good.
Dear 2012, I am ready for you. I just have to get off the couch first.